Exhausted, Empty, & Emotional

Can anyone out there relate? What do we do to remedy this 3E epidemic?

Whhheeeewwwweeee!! Welcome back. What a week it is has been! But it is May, so what do we expect? Well… I guess maybe for everyone May is not just a big exhausting blur of chaos, but for those of us in education it sure is. I mean holy cow, I don’t even know if I am coming or going at this point.

There is just a lot that is happening in May. The school year is wrapping up which means it is extra chaotic. Spring sports have been full go. My daughter has a birthday coming up and Mother’s Day is this weekend. (Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing women out there who are probably not reading this because who has time to read in May?) Busy, busy, busy… I am just yawning as I go, hoping I have not forgotten something major, and praying that I am headed in the right direction.

But if I am being completely honest, although this past week or so has been extremely hectic and busy, the scheduling is not what has me most exhausted. Without going into too many details, I just feel like my heart is slowly being chipped away and I am an emotional mess inside. I feel little pieces of my heart being taken, and honestly willingly given, but it is leaving a hollow place inside of me and a pit in my stomach. The prayers I have lifted and the tears I have shed are not easing the ache in my slowly, breaking heart. Yes, I am physically tired, like everyone else, but I am emotionally drained as well. My heart just hurts. Like really really hurts.

I don’t think that it is just me though. The things/people/situations that are weighing so heavy on my heart right now are probably not the same ones that you may be experiencing. However, it seems like everyone I talk with is feeling some sort of heaviness as well. It just feels like we are all dealing with so much heartache, sorrow, despair, and grief. It is like we are all fighting battles that we would rather not talk about, but yet we are left feeling the weight of the punches and barely have the energy to fight back.

So, as I sit here reflecting over the heavy week that has left my heart a bit battered and bruised and desperately praying for a Word to give me the strength to keep going, I am reminded of a story in 2 Kings 4. I would like to share it with you. So, if you have your Bible go ahead and turn with me to 2 Kings 4: 1-7. Let’s check in on this sweet, widowed woman that is dealing with more than she can handle on her own… because we may be able to learn a little something about handling heavy seasons from her story.

“One day the widow of a member of the group of prophets came to Elisha and cried out, “My husband who served you is dead, and you know how he feared the Lord. But now a creditor has come, threatening to take my two sons as slaves.”

“What can I do to help you?” Elisha asked. “Tell me, what do you have in the house?”

“Nothing at all, except a small flask of olive oil,” she replied.

And Elisha said, “Borrow as many empty jars as you can from your friends and neighbors. Then go into your house with your sons and shut the door behind you. Pour olive oil from your flask into the jars, setting each one aside when it is filled.”

So she did as she was told. Her sons kept bringing jars to her, and she filled one after the other. Soon every container was full to the brim!

“Bring me another jar,” she said to one of her sons.

“There aren’t anymore!” he told her. And then the olive oil stopped flowing.

When she told the man of God what had happened, he said to her, “Now sell the olive oil and pay your debts, and you and your sons can live on what is left over.”

2 Kings 4:1-7 (emphasis mine)

Let’s start by just talking about this nameless woman. The woman that is defined by her circumstances, the widow, instead of her character or simply her name. She is a widow, but she is also a mother to two young boys. She is also walking through the hardest valley in her life. Her worst nightmare had just taken place. Not only did her husband die but with his death went her livelihood. In this time period, her only hope would have been for one of her sons to step in and take care of her, but they were too young. So, it was up to her to figure it all out and she was out of options. Can you imagine how badly her heart was hurting?

I could be wrong, but it seems that many of us may find ourselves in a parallel situation for a multitude of reasons. Ones that leave us completely exhausted and our proverbial cupboards bare. Where we look up and realize things are not how we thought they would be, and nothing even really makes sense. When our situations change and we are left with an empty place in our heart. Or when we are grieving but the world doesn’t stop, and bills keep coming. When we don’t have the answers, know how to proceed, or have the strength to continue, but yet we have people depending on us, so we have to figure something out.

It’s in these moments and situations that the enemy likes to creep into our minds, and whisper into our ears. Moments where if we are not careful, we will be convinced of those whispered lies the slithering serpent wants us to believe. Lies that we don’t have anything left to give. Lies that we don’t have what it takes to keep going. Or that what we are left with is worthless, and our lives are meaningless. We don’t have enough _____ (you fill in the blank), and we will never be enough.

I don’t know for sure, but I would imagine we can all relate to this woman in some aspect. I know that I sure can. I feel these little pieces of my heart being captured by some precious human beings and I know I may never get them back. It is okay because I want to share my heart with them, but it is leaving an aching place deep inside that is making me question how much more I have to give. I feel like my cupboard is bare and my jar is basically empty.

So, when life has us running 100 mph, pulled in every direction, and our hearts are a little hollow… What do we do? Where do we turn? How do we keep going?

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I believe that this story is a beautiful illustration of how God will perform some of His greatest miracles when we find ourselves in empty places. This means when we are physically, mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually depleted, He will show up and fight for us. He does His best work in the empty places of our lives. However, it probably will not happen in the ways that we want or expect it to.

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In order for God to be able to fill our hollow hurting places we must first cry out to Him. Go back to verse 1, you will see it. This story does not tell us how long ago this woman’s husband had passed away. Maybe it had just happened, but chances are she has been struggling to make ends meet on her own for a while. I doubt the debt collectors had come knocking and threatened to take her sons immediately.

It does not tell us, but maybe she borrowed more money from her debtors in the beginning because she was hoping she could find another job to make enough money to pay them back? Or maybe she sold everything she had in her possession to try to cover her debts, but eventually it got bad enough that she had no other option left? Not only had she lost her husband, but she was about to lose her boys too. She did not have any other choice here; she was in over her head.

I am a little embarrassed to admit it, because crying out to God should always be the first thing I do, but I don’t always do it immediately either. I tend to try to handle things on my own first too, which is always a bad idea. I devise my own idiotic plan and then when that fails, I try something else that usually tanks even worse. It could all be handled a lot more quickly, efficiently, and with way less stress if I would just cry out to God first.

You know why we need to always cry out to God first? Because He hears us. Every single one of us. Every single time. God hears us. You know why? Because He is close. If you don’t believe me, check this out…

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 34:17-18

So, crying out to God most definitely needs to be our first step. But after the woman cried out to God, she was asked a question. Check our verse 2. Elisha asked her what she had in her house… This realization hit me hard. It shows me that even when we don’t feel like we have anything left to give, or anything that is worth mentioning, God has already provided what we need in each season. We just have to look for it. She already had the oil she needed for the miracle; she just had no idea that it was going to be the thing that saved her and those she loved.

Once she mentioned that little bit of oil, she was instructed to go borrow jars from those around her. I could be wrong, but to me, that means we are not meant to handle all of the hard seasons on our own. We are supposed to reach out to those around us for help and support. This had to be hard to hear and even harder to do. Can you imagine the embarrassment she must have felt being told to go ask others for their empty jars?

However, I don’t picture this hurting, desperate, widowed woman walking into the streets of her town and shouting at the top of her lungs that she needed a bunch of jars like a crazy person. I doubt she put out post on Facebook or tagged everyone in her town on Instagram requesting jars either. I bet she and her sons went knocking, door-to-door, eyes full of teary emotion asking those they knew if they could help them out. You know everyone in town knew a little bit about their situation. But I doubt many of them knew just how desperate things had truly gotten.

It is okay to ask for help but not everyone needs all of the details of our struggles. I believe that God places the right people in our lives to help walk us through the hardest seasons and provide for us the jars that we need to survive. We are not meant to carry all the heavy by ourselves. It’s critical to have trustworthy friends and family members that we can reach out to for encouragement. Emphasis on trustworthy though because not everyone has earned a right to have a seat at your table. And I believe that’s why she was told to “shut the door” in verse 4.

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I have thought a lot about that part of Elisha’s instructions. The shut the door part. Because I am queen of living behind a shut door. I don’t let others in very easily. I not only like but crave the safety I feel behind my own closed door. And I think that is part of why I am so emotional, and my heart is hurting so badly, because I have cracked open the door and let some people inside. I have opened the door and let a couple of others actually see me and my weaknesses. I thought that sharing my scars with them would be, I don’t know, embarrassing, maybe? But instead, it seems to be giving them strength, and they are clinging hard to me and my words. My wounds are proving to be exactly what they needed to feel seen, safe, and begin their own healing. An exhausting battle I have fought for years is showing up as faith fueled hope to them.

So, who we let inside with us when we close the door matters. Everything is not meant for everyone, but for those that are inside with us what we do next is key. It grabbed my heart and won’t let go.

Verse four says that after we shut the door, we have one job left… pour. This precious woman had what she called “nothing” left to give, nothing even worth mentioning. When we have very little, pouring it out is not a normal reaction. We like to hoard or save the last little bit of things that we have.

Can you picture this woman right now? Can you see how weary she must look? How swollen her eyes were from crying… how weak her voice sounded… the tear stains on her dirty dress sleeves… downcast head… and the intake of her deep breath as she asked one of her sons to hand her that first empty borrowed jar?

What do you think happened to her expression, her shoulders, her breathing as she picked up her little flask with just a tiny bit of oil and began pouring it out into another jar, but it didn’t stop or run out? When the oil kept flowing and she needed another jar, did her eyebrows scrunch up and her pretty head tilt to the left? By the time the fifth or sixth jar was getting full, did she smile? Do you think by jar ten or twelve that maybe she laughed for the first time since hearing of her husband’s death?

This beautifully broken, widowed, woman literally poured until she ran out of jars to fill up. I can picture a completely new set of tears streaming down her face as this progressed. Not tears of sorrow, but tears of gratitude. What she felt was so insignificant about her life, what she thought was pretty much useless and barely worth mentioning, was completely magnified when she started pouring it out. The miracle can only happen when we start pouring. We have to pour with a purpose. We have to keep going, keep teaching, keep loving, keep encouraging, keep trusting, keep pouring friends, even when we are exhausted ourselves.

Because you know the coolest part of the whole story? What started out so tiny, insignificant, and empty turned into more than she needed. Check out verse 7. Elisha told her that she could go sell what she needed to pay off her debts and then she could live on what is left over! Guys, it ended with leftovers!! How incredible is that? Something she didn’t even really realize she had in her possession became the one thing that God used to sustained her and others.

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So…. Maybe when we are feeling empty and as though life just keeps on hitting, it is up to us to start pouring. To start taking what tiny bit of love, joy, compassion, wisdom, grace, encouragement, and empathy that we have left and simply pour, pour, and pour. Pour when we feel like it and pour when we don’t. Pour when we are hurting and while we are healing. Pour when we are happy and when we are sad. Pour when we are strong and pour when we are weak. When we feel like we are at rock bottom and have absolutely nothing left to give, we just have to look inside ourselves and find the thing that God has already given us and then be brave enough to pour it out into others.

This world needs us to fill its empty jars. We are all wounded and scarred, because we’ve been through the storms and the struggles. All of our journeys look different, they all have left us tired, our hearts hurting, and our jars looking and feeling empty. But miracles come from Jesus and our job is pour it out for others to experience. We are all in this together, and I think the best way to keep this world spinning in the right direction is to start pouring. So, if you need a jar, let me know. If you need someone to help fill your jar, don’t hesitate to reach out. I think it is time to rally together to start loving harder than ever before. We may be shocked when we realize what all we will have leftover 💗Xoxo Megan

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come to you today thanking you for bringing miracles into our broken and barren places. It is so comforting to me to know that you hear our cries because you are close to us. I am grateful that you see our tears, feel our heartache, and will fill our empty jars with your love. Lord, I ask you to help provide us the strength and wisdom needed to pour out your love into those around us. As we walk into this next week, I pray that you will help us intentionally seek ways to fill the jars of others and that you will provide leftovers for us in the process. Pour into us, God, and pour through us and into the lives of those around us. We love you. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Reflection Questions:
1. Do you have just a little bit of something that you could pour out into others? If so, how can you be intentional about it this week? 
2. Do you have any empty places that need poured into? If so, who is one person that you can you turn to that can help provide you a jar of support?